There are horror movies that aim to do one thing and stick with that one thing. Then there are horror movies that aim to do all the things, narrative consistency be damned. Into that latter category falls Uncork’d Entertainment’s The Child Remains.

In fact, I’m going to do this review in two parts. Why two parts, you ask? You’ll see.

Part I – The Supernatural Procedural

The plot is – on the surface at least – a simple enough procedural thriller with a supernatural twist: An expectant couple takes a weekend away from it all at a quaint bed & breakfast in the secluded countryside. It soon becomes clear that their idyllic relationship is anything but, and it starts to feel less like an intimate celebration of their love and more like a last-ditch effort to reconnect. Wife Rae (Suzanne Clemént) is a former investigative journalist whose career and stability have been destroyed by PTSD; husband Liam (Allan Hawco) is a struggling musician whose career has hit a dead end composing commercial jingles.

Their already-fragile relationship suffers an even greater strain when Rae starts to have flashes – not PTSD flashbacks – but flashes of awful atrocities that seemed to have happened in the B&B, which used to be a maternity ward for unwed women and those pregnant out of wedlock. A maternity ward run by a nun whose oddball daughter (Shelley Thompson) now runs the B&B. Put a pin in that, as we’ll get back to that nun later. Liam does his best to keep his wife calm, but his reasonable approach to Rae’s visions quickly tips over into the realm of patronizing gaslighting – especially when he himself starts to experience weirdness in the house for himself but still scoffs at her fears that something is very wrong.

Meanwhile, Rae becomes obsessed with figuring out the mystery of what really happened at the house, even though her mental state starts to deteriorate and Liam all but begs her to let it drop as it’s damaging their marriage further. If you’re looking for a couple you want to root for, this is not that couple. The whole time I watched, I found myself thinking, No wonder your marriage is falling apart. Neither of you is supportive of or listens to one another. You’re kind of assholes, honestly. 

And that’s fine, generally. You don’t have to like a movie’s protagonists to be sucked into the story. A movie exploring a selfish couple’s dissolving relationship within the trappings of a supernatural procedural has the potential to be a gripping and intense psychological thriller. But The Child Remains rarely lives up to that potential, only at a few moments approaching a level of intrigue enough to command your full attention. Sadly, I found my focus wandering while I watched, drifting to thoughts like Where have I seen this guy before? and Why did the opening credits font lean into the Hallmark movie aesthetic? For a movie that was clearly meant to keep you guessing, I found myself doing very little of that for the first hour and fifteen minutes or so. The movie slogged along with a few vague subplots that existed less as actual essential plot points but more as halfhearted jump scares meant to liven up an inexplicably draggy story. In any case, they were never explained. What was the “ghost box” that may or may not have been haunted? Why was so much focus given to the creepy puppet doll that ultimately did nothing save to move once, off-camera? So many meandering storylines set up that ultimately petered out and went nowhere, like the paths Rae followed into the woods.

Then the third act happened. Which brings me to the second part of this review.

Part II – Sheer WTF Baby Demon Chaos

I need an entirely separate part to review the third act of the movie. If the first two acts were a procedural slog dotted with a few listless jumpscares, the third act went entirely off the rails in a good way. If the whole movie had leaned into the third act insanity, that would have been to its credit.

It’s exceptionally hard to reveal what happens without giving away spoilers. So allow me to simply give you the highlights. Remember the aforementioned nun who ran the maternity ward? More is unearthed about her diabolical operation. Young pregnant women drugged and held against their will, poison, babies buried alive, secret diaries from dead women written in lemon juice, cooking and eating fetuses and placentae, demonic impregnation, and, oh yes, lots and lots of murder. And that’s just in the past. In the current day, there is all of that, but you can also add two plot twists, an undead demon baby, and Liam pulling a Jack Torrance as the house slowly starts to…possess him? As the proprietress of the B&B seduces him? Unclear! But also, it doesn’t matter! What matters is that the third act takes such a hard turn away from the mundanity of the rest of the movie and into Crazy Town that it causes cognitive whiplash.

The best stuff is sandwiched in this unexpected third act. There is a basement scene that is legitimately terrifying, up there with some all-time creepy low-lit, background shots. You finally start pulling for Rae to succeed as the pieces start falling into place. The gore quotient gets upped as people start getting offed, often in unexpected and poetic ways. And lest you think it’s all over after the climax, rest assured the batshittery carries all the way through to the final frame.

Is it enough to make the first two acts of the movie worth sitting through? Most would say no; I, however, am always of the mindset that if anything in a review sounds intriguing, you should give the movie a shot and see for yourself. Is it the most coherent horror movie? No. No, it is not. But will that third act entertain you as it leans all the way into the WTFiness of it all? Yes. Yes, it will. If that’s enough to pique your interest, you know what to do: Hit the button below to buy a ticket.

The Child Remains is in theaters.